The Fabulous Villains Hall of Fame

*Before I begin, I would just like to say a huge thank you to Andrew over at The Pewter Wolf for asking me to be a part of this blog tour! The theme is Disney Villains… I may have wandered a little bit (sorry, Andrew!) but rest be assured, they are most definitely in there. How could they not be? I hope you all enjoy my little contribution!*

Has anybody seen that episode of Friends where Monica meets her idol Jessica Lockhart from The Days of our Lives and begs her for a slap?

Of course, I’m already assuming you all have because if you didn’t spend your childhood watching Friends and committing every episode to memory, then what else were you doing?

Anyway, my point is this: why on earth was Monica begging to be slapped across the face by somebody famed for giving her co-stars flaming cheeks, complete with a manicured handprint? Well, I think the answer is quite simple. It’s not because Monica is some sort of weird sadist. It’s because Jessica Lockhart is a fabulous villain. Everybody hates her, but everybody wants to be her.

So that’s what this blog post is about. It’s about the most fabulous villains we know in film, and why we love them. Whether they’re from an animation, a Disney movie or a chick-flick, they all have one thing in common: they are FABULOUS, daaahhhling!

  1. The Fairy Godmother

So first up on the list is the inimitable Fairy Godmother from Shrek 2. Now the classic fairy godmother from the fairy tales is a guardian figure, wise and pure, like a sweet little nanny. But the Fairy Godmother (capitals all around for this gal) from Shrek 2 is less Mary Poppins and more Sassy Poppins. Not only is she sparkly, quick-witted and secretly every drag queen’s inspiration, but she also penned some remarkably catchy tunes – including THAT iconic ensemble right at the climax of the film.

Don’t pretend you don’t know which one I’m talking about.

As though all of that wasn’t enough to solidify her in the Fabulous Villains Hall of Fame, she also likes to eat things that are ‘deep fried and smothered in chocolate’. Honestly, I relate to her so much. Find me a more fabulous bad-woman, go on. I dare you.

2. Winifred Sanderson

Okay, so I have decided that the word of the day for this blog post is ‘iconic’. Because that’s what the last villain was, and so is this one. And the one after this, and after that… noticing a trend here?

Anyway, second up on the list is none other than Winifred Sanderson from Disney’s Hocus Pocus. She’s grumpy, she’s cantankerous – and she’s absolutely fabulous. Her hatred of glorious mornings coupled with her love for her pet book, means that she is essentially me. And probably you, too (unless if you’re one of those people who’s all perky in the mornings, in which case you should remove yourself from my blog).

And let’s not forget her rendition of I Put a Spell on You, which to this day I could probably recite and perform without so much as a hiccup. These mistresses of evil sure do love bursting into song, don’t they?

3. Regina George

Now, this next villain is very close to my heart (unlike most of the people on this list, I do have one of those thingies). Call me a walking stereotype, but she is the head bitch in one of my favourite ever films.

Yep. You guessed it.

Regina George (I have decided from the above gif that she is my spirit animal). Now, let me tell you a few things about our favourite high school queen bee:

  1. Regina George is flawless.
  2. Her hair is insured for $10,000.
  3. She does car commercials in Japan.

You get the idea, right? Regina George is the blonde bombshell that everybody at Northshore High (and the WORLD) loves to hate. To be insulted by her is an honour. To sit at her table makes you royalty. And to be punched by her in the face? Well that’s just plain awesome (I think I’m starting to understand where Monica was coming from now).

So please, ascend your throne, Regina. We all bought army pants and flip flops because of you.

4. Yzma

The next villain on the list is perhaps the most undervalued. She’s old, wrinkly, and seems to wear mascara that elongates her eyelashes quadruple-fold – and she is not-quite-singlehandedly (kudos must be extended to Kronk) responsible for putting llamas on the map. We all love a llama these days, don’t we? And we owe it all to this malicious lady.

I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, the fourth villain to be honoured in our Fabulous Villain Hall of Fame: Yzma, of The Emperor’s New Groove fame. Now, as a villain, I think we need to recognise that she is absolutely useless. She’s more incompetent than me trying to answer questions in the sports round of a pub quiz. She got fired, swore to get revenge on the Emperor Kuzco, and accidentally turned him into a llama instead of a flea that she could easily crush.

But you can’t deny her fabulousness. She has her own Secret Lab that can only be accessed via rollercoaster and her own henchman who carries her around the jungle on a makeshift purple tent on his back.

How can you not love her?

5. Hades

One thing I’ve noticed about all of the above entries into the Fabulous Villains Hall of Fame is that they’re all female. Now what’s that all about? Is it because, by some weird societal construct, the word ‘fabulous’ somehow becomes synonymous with ‘female’?

Well, our next Hall of Famer will undoubtedly disprove this theory. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to meet the fiery, the feisty, the FABULOUS… HADES, ruler of the underworld!

I had to include Hades, because I remember being unable to do anything but love him when I was younger. He was just so full of wit and punchy one-liners, and who could forget his voluminous, reactive fire-hair? He is well deserving as our final entry into the Fabulous Villains Hall of Fame, yes?

So there you go, folks! Those are my 5 entries into the Fabulous Villains Hall of Fame. I could have gone on for so much longer, and there were a few more who I thought deserved an honourable mention (The Little Mermaid’s Ursula, Will & Grace’s Karen Walker, and the very recent Moana’s sassiest crab, Tamatoa). You can disagree, you can debate, but of one thing I’m pretty sure… it’s that we were all pretty gutted when these villains were defeated.

Again, I’d just like to thank Andrew for inviting me to be a part of this blog tour (go check him out over at The Pewter Wolf)! It’s my first ever blog tour post, so that’s pretty exciting, and I can’t wait to read what everybody else has written!

But for now, bugger off and leave me alone. I have an evil plot to think about… but ssh, don’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t want any pesky kids skipping along and ruining it like they always seem to do.

Until next time,

– Lee

 

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